Hipster Puritanism Ode To Starbucks Buddha (A Prayer For Jordan Owen)

Our Mermaid Lady, who art in Starbucks,
Hallowed be thy fish-like hands
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in Starbuckia
Give us this day our daily conniption fit
And forgive us our politically incorrect trespasses,
As we refuse to forgive those who triggered our emotions,
And lead us please into complete hedonistic temptations,
But deliver us from evil, straight white men.
For thine kingdom is so cool
and the power, so really neat
and the glory hole, in which I’m too good to stare.
for ever and ever and infinity forever.

Amen.